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The Second Year in Scotland
Back in Scotland with the help of some students, we opened another centre in Dundee and rented a country mansion for weekend retreats. The mansion dated from the early 18th century, it was huge and full of antiques - even the wallpaper was hand-painted. Students from all over the UK made the long journey to the retreat by the summer of 1992 we were teaching in three cities and had a country retreat, all within a year and a half of arriving in Scotland.
I was sent an interesting letter addressed to me which was a summons to go to prison, I had heard that the test for the second initiation was to be thrown in prison while having done no wrong; I just laughed at the letter and thought it was all too easy, too obvious. It turned out they had the wrong person altogether and they apologised for it.
I kept all of what I was going through quiet from the rest of the students, I knew that the path required secrecy and I felt that I could cause some harm or unpleasant situations anyway if I were to say what I had been going through.
I still looked up to Reynaldo as my teacher, but out of my body I was shown not to anymore, it was not that he had done anything wrong, it was that I had to get taught from within myself now. In one of those weekend gatherings at the retreat Reynaldo looked at me and made a comment about me and the path, I just smiled, but I wondered if he had been given a little information about what I had been going through.
One night when out of my body I walked in a street near to my old high school, I looked up and saw a kind of a gap in the sky, it was a gap in space itself, intuitively I felt that I should explore it, so I rose into the air, as I got close I could see demons guarding it on the outside, they had that classical demonic appearance, I expelled them and went into this slit which was like a mouth, dark inside, even though it was night-time and dark outside.
As I went in I was in a corridor that sloped downwards, I walked down it and walking with me were the deceased, they came through continuously, just walking in the one direction with no notion to walk in any other direction and no notion to communicate to each other.
Eventually I came to a series of tollgates or booths, each person went to a booth, someone stood at each booth and collected something from each person, as the deceased passed through the tollgate they kept a human form but inside were animals, just animals enjoying the resonance and feel of the egos, they vibrated with them making growls and groans as they walked from the toll area into the darkness beyond, they had given up to the toll collector what it was to be human, as it was only given for a short time, they passed through the gates as animals.
I also passed through a tollgate but gave up nothing, and, instead of walking into the entrance of the area of darkness I went into one of several waiting rooms to the right, the light was strange and subdued and I felt the fear of being in that place, I knew that I was being shown my fate and humanities fate at the same time, I knew who could help me in that moment, the Being who out of love helps to bring souls up out of that abysmal place to give them another human life and another opportunity - Judas.
I called his name over and over and he came into the door, such in an unimposing figure who irradiated a quiet kind of warmth, the sort that would pass unnoticed in the world, he said to me “You have to practise whether you like it or not.” I responded with silence, with a silence that communicated a reply, “Yes I have to”.
Soon after I came back to my body, I had to do what I had been told.
Years later I spoke to a woman who had a near-death experience, in it she passed through the jaws of a crocodile, and found herself in a waiting room with other people, someone came in and told her that she had to go back because it wasn't her time yet. You can see that crocodile represented in many Egyptian paintings, it's called Typhon, who in the depictions is there to swallow up those who are to enter hell.
Also years later I came across medieval woodcut illustrations depicting what I had seen in the Mouth of Hell and discovered a mention of the toll collectors in a Nag Hammadi Library text. I obviously wasn’t the first to travel there and come back.
There were lots of experiences with entities, different figures and egos, many teachings that I went through usually symbolically, as symbolism is the language of the astral plane. Though symbolic most communicated to me directly and were even clearer than language.
I have these kinds of experiences all the way through so I won't keep mentioning them.
Much of the learning that I went through was in relation to my own psychological defects, my egos; over there I would have a lot of information about them, which I would apply to daily life.
If I saw something like that, even if it was in a dream I would work upon that defect the next day, as I knew that whatever I saw in my dreams was the very thing that I needed to urgently correct.
Sometimes I would see people in dreams from different parts of my life that I had lived up until now, I knew that these represented associations that they had through affinity with these different people and that the affinity was due to the egos. This had influenced the kinds of friendships and things that I had done in my life up until now, but I hadn't realised just how much what was inside psychologically affected what I did, I had thought but I did things according to the opportunities that were presented to me and out of my own wishes, but now I had seen this other influence, from these egos within me. I knew I had to get rid of them in order to break that affinity with the past and bring about new circumstances.
There was an almost constant interference from negative entities when out of the body, which I learned to deal with. I kept calm when facing them, even when there were unpleasant situations such as when a large animal attacked me, I held out my arm in front of me it jumped and sank its teeth into my arm, it felt horrible but I conjured it away calmly and it disappeared.
The atmosphere with the Movement was beginning to change, people were getting negative towards me, even though I hadn't done anything that could be considered wrong or against them, they seemed to dislike me just because I was there.
In the country house which I had found and organised, people voted to me not to be involved in its coordination, as I spoke there some people would look at me with eyes of hatred, this would result in them making the occasional negative comment, I could sense a change, that's not how it once was, I didn't think that people who were studying Gnosis should act like that.
Student of ours Carmel, who had come from Australia, asked if we could go to Australia to give the teaching there, Reynaldo said that we could, once our work in Scotland was done, and that he would write to Rabolu to ask if we could go.