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The Last Six Months in Britain
In December 1993 we were staying in the country retreat, I was out of my body and visited my parents’ house, I saw a symbol indicating that something had gone seriously wrong with my mother. The next day we returned from the country house to find a message on the answer phone from my father saying that my mother had died, we called him and he said she was not quite dead yet but dying, so we packed our bags, got in the car and drove through the night to get to my parents house, as it was Christmas Eve the roads were almost deserted.
As we arrived my father looked distraught, we soon went to the intensive care ward of the hospital and I was shocked when I saw my mother, she was like a corpse, like someone who had been dead for a while, her appearance was shocking, she didn't know where she was, but she just about recognized me and Edith.
She was in a desperate struggle for life, she had had pneumonia without knowing it and her lungs just collapsed, the doctor took us aside and told us that she was likely to die.
Weeks passed by as she struggled to live, she actually died on one occasion and had a NDE but came back, then one night in the astral plane I saw her in her wheelchair coming out of hospital, the next day my father asked me whether I think she'll make it, whether she'll live, I told him “Yes, she'll be coming out”. From that day onwards she very slowly began to improve, after about eight weeks she was well enough to come out of hospital, but was very weak and very ill.
Staff at the hospital in the intensive care ward dealt with the most serious cases and that she was the sickest they had ever seen a person be and yet still live, they referred to her as the woman who died.
My father saw how I had borne the pressure of this and had supported him, so he told me “you're a lot tougher than I thought you were”, that was an unusual statement coming from him, but later he made another remark when he said, “I’m sorry that I didn't pay much attention to you when you were a boy”, I replied That's ok, no one's perfect”. The changes that I had brought about in myself through Gnosis had made me stronger as a person.
Return to Scotland
After four weeks, which was as soon as my mother had made enough improvement, I made sure that everything was taken care of and returned to Edinburgh
Soon after, Reynaldo’s brother arrived to the country house, he had been highly thought of by many in Gnosis and some thought he would eventually succeed Rabolu, but he had recently been sanctioned by Rabolu and was not allowed to meet any of the Gnostics, he broke that sanction by coming to the country house, meeting us and giving talks, these were based not upon Rabolu’s work but upon Samael’s, which he had Edith translate.
Edith and I felt that the situation was not right, Edith said to him “You managed to come here didn’t you?” he replied “I didn’t want to come here, they brought me”. In the night Edith had an experience in which Samael warned her about the situation, we said nothing and returned to our centre in Edinburgh
One night in an experience I saw a decapitated head; I can't describe what it looked like as there was an esoteric meaning to it which I am unable to divulge due to the secrecy of the path. It was part of the second initiation of the first mountain, the decapitation. The events that I was going through were all part of that process. The further along the path we go, the less our actions are due to karma, and more due to the process of the path.
I had developed a tendency to force myself to concentrate in many of the practices, rather than training myself gradually and in one practice of meditation I suddenly had a huge headache, I came out of the meditation room with red eyes, this persisted and died down over a period of days, but it would appear again every time I tried to do a practice such as concentration or meditation, and even when I was trying to be aware doing daily life, or concentrate on what I was doing. This meant that I had to modify the kinds of exercises that I did and to work more with self observation.
After two years in Scotland we had lots of keen students, centres in three cities and a country retreat, at this stage they were capable of running themselves without our help, we had achieved what we were asked.
There was no news on the promised move to Australia Scotland Manchester , England
Some days later Reynaldo came to our centre, we discovered that instead of asking Rabolu if we could go to Australia
We also opened up a new centre in another city called Liverpool and taught groups in Preston .
On one occasion I fell ill for a couple of days with a rash, flu-like symptoms and vomiting, there was no-one to teach the group in Liverpool, so I went there feeling ill, in the middle of the talk I said “excuse me” and left the room, everyone could hear me vomiting violently, I went back in and continued the talk as though nothing had happened; the audience looked quite concerned.
Leaving Behind the Life in Britain
In the country house in our absence the whole of the UK Movement voted for us not to go to Australia
A week later Rabolu wrote back to Reynaldo and refused his request to go to Australia saying that it was better that he stayed in the UK, he also said that he could send a couple from the UK but only ones who are not going to harm the psyche of others.
Reynaldo spoke to us about it and said that the only ones he could think of that weren’t going to harm the psyche of others were Edith and I, so he agreed to inform Rabolu that Edith and I would go to Australia and give the teaching there.
He was aware of the negativity of the people in the UK
Reynaldo said to us that despite what the UK Australia UK
We felt that they had found what they wanted within Gnosis, the Movement and the teaching, but that we were uneasy and could not be content with things of this world.
With the work we free ourselves from people and situations, they, nature, don't want us to get free, so they try to pull us back, but if we die to ourselves inwardly the events of the path take us in their own direction and free us from old laws and influences.
Edith had a dream, we were on a bus (the work in the Movement) going upwards on a slope of a high mountain (the esoteric work) being driven by one person who was accompanied by two others (the three keys of the path), we sat at the back of the bus and there was no-one else on it. She had another one in which she and I were in a car going up a mountain, at the bottom of it were all the members of the UK Movement, their cars were all stuck and piled up against one another, jammed up together off the road. All of them came out of their cars and were calling us to come down, but we kept going up.
We left the country house and met up for a stopover in Birmingham with some students who had been with is at the country house, as we left they had tears in their eyes, some were sobbing, we had the strange feeling that something bad was going to happen to all of them.
We packed all our things, went to see my parents for a painful goodbye, and just before we left we had a phone call from Reynaldo, he said he didn't think things looked good for him, nor for the UK movement, he said that even if he couldn't make it, that I should go for the awakening, that I could do it, he was tearful, I left him in a state of friendship in the work.