Just over a year after starting Gnostic classes Edith and I were married, this meant practicing Alchemy, the exercise that has the real power of transformation.

I hoped that at some time I may start the spiritual path, I had read a bit about this in the book The Perfect Matrimony by Samael Aun Weor, the founder of modern Gnosis, it was one of three books that had been translated into English at the time, it didn’t have much information about the path itself, but enough to outline the early stages. It was said that the path is universal, it’s alluded to in many different myths, legends and religions of the world, it was shown in the life of Jesus and modern Gnosis explains how to walk it. I didn't know if it would be possible to start it, or even if it existed, but I would try different exercises and see how I went, it seemed to be too distant to be achievable, but worth trying.

I had read a lot of New Age ideas that had said there were many paths to enlightenment, but Gnosis was saying that there was only one. Enlightenment itself also seemed to have different meanings, I knew for sure however that I would have to find out from my own experience which was true, and that the only way I was going to find out if there was one sole path and what enlightenment meant, was if I explored thoroughly and objectively within myself, stood by my own experience, got on a path and reached at least some stage of what could be described as 'enlightenment'. To see if the Gnostic path was actually true I would need to follow the 'map' of directions, which were the different techniques and exercises and see if they led where they said they would lead.

We moved to Bristol in England to start a Gnostic centre and a couple of students of ours let us run classes at their home in Cardiff.

I had taught myself to observe my emotions during the day, to analyse them in the evening, and to look into my dreams to see them in action in the dream world and to see if I could get any extra information about them in the way of teachings. I was having quite a lot of dreams related to anger, in which I was always angry, of course I could see this anger during the day. In one dream however, I reacted with anger towards a person and instead of him getting angry to me back, he smiled serenely and spoke in an apologetic way, this completely diffused my anger, I understood that there was another way to act with an angry person, that I didn't have to respond with anger, I could change and so I tried to be more like the person I saw in the dream.

 

Going Through Tests in My Dreams

Three months after starting alchemy I had a dream that was related to anger, it was like a clear obe, except that I had no ability to question my situation or surroundings, some people were following me in the street, they were very angry and were hurling insults at me, they kept doing it but I responded calmly like the man and seen in the dream, the next thing I knew I was in a kind of a picnic with all these spiritual looking children who just glowed and were happy and celebrating in a gentle, spiritual kind of way.

This was the first test of the path, the test of fire, it's a very basic test that people all round the world pass, I've seen people come to the classes for just a few weeks and pass some of these tests of the elements, it had taken me about a year to start. I wasn't looking for that test, I was waiting for the test of the Guardian of the Threshold, the first test of the path where we face the sum of our egos. I didn't know whether I passed it but I just couldn't remember it, much later I would discover another possible explanation, that I had passed it before I was born, but at that time I had my first confirmation that the path could actually exist and that I could be on it, but I preferred to wait for more confirmation and I knew that the test of fire was something very basic anyway.

Soon after I went through the three other tests of the elements and passed them, in one, I was in the children’s picnic celebration after going through the test, I saw them happy, but something in me felt that there was no time for celebration, that I had to find more, so I ran through the middle of the children and said “get out of my way, I want to investigate”, meaning that I wanted to explore for more knowledge.

I could pass those tests as I had fully committed myself to a spiritual journey, which I would put above all else, I could therefore take the difficulties that came my way (earth), not fear poverty or losing my most loved possessions (air) and could adapt to new challenges and fight to move forward (water).

I didn’t really know what the next step was about, but I knew I had to have good behaviour and to be honest.

I had been trying to be as aware and as much in the present moment as I could, I tried to explore it to see exactly how it worked, how I could feel ‘here’ and what relation thoughts had to it. One night I had a dream in which I was trying to be aware, someone was teaching me how to do it and I practiced it in my dream, this helped me to overcome an obstacle I faced in trying to be aware; it was not so much a verbal teaching as a practical example, as things over there often are. Back in the ‘waking world’ I put the teaching into practice and it worked.

Although by this account it may seem that everything was going quite easily, in reality it was far from it. Every now and again I would have a great resistance to trying to be aware and doing all kinds of spiritual exercises. Many times I just didn't feel like doing it, but I noticed that if I didn't that I would stay negative and miserable, I would get interested in other things and then just didn't seem to have the strength to do any spiritual practices. On the other hand I discovered that if I literally forced myself to do something, such as going away for a retreat on a weekend, even though I may have felt that everything inside me just rebelled against it, if I went there and did the exercises I would actually feel better, I would come back feeling positive and with strength.

I learned to apply this frequently to resistance, so for example, whenever I would be scheduled to give a talk and I didn't feel like it, I knew that by going through it and giving the talk I would feel better by the end of it. I applied this to large and small things and it helped me a lot.

I was having out-of body-experiences fairly regularly, mostly by practicing concentration and astral projecting and by waking up in my dreams, having lucid dreams. It was at this time that I learnt how to call a spiritual being in the astral plane, when out of the body. I realised that I had to be in the right state with the right attitude to be able to be taught, I had begun this spiritual journey thinking that somehow I was a nice person, but the more I looked into myself the more I saw negativity, pride, and defects of all kinds. I knew that I had to change a lot, so I never made demands for anyone to appear when I called, and I think this helped. When no one appeared I always looked for what I needed to change, and when they did, I was ready to be taught.

The first time in the astral plane I called the inner being, or Master of the coordinator of the Movement called Rabolu, he showed me a Century plant. That was it, no words, just plain and simple, I knew intuitively that I needed to get and use that plant, which is needed for esoteric protection.

The next time I called him, I really wanted to find out about lust, as it seemed to be such a powerful drive, that was difficult to overcome or understand. Because my question was a genuine one and had a lot of serious study behind it he arrived, I asked him “What can I do about the ego of lust?” again he didn't say anything, he looked at me and showed me his hand, it was clenched, he was holding something, as I looked he opened his hand, it was full of grains of sand and as he opened it they fell to the ground. I understood that there are many egos of lust so many, like the grains of sand in his hand.

Teachings over there tend to be very symbolic and we have to have enough understanding not only to be able to interpret them but to have them in the first place and the more we advance spiritually, the deeper the teachings we are able to receive.

I'd heard that students of gnosis could get taught in temples and that it was possible to ask to be taken to one to be taught, so I thought that I would give it a try, when out of my body I asked my own being to take me to a temple to be taught, I felt myself moving through space, it was as though I travelled at speed for just an instant and then arrived at the outside of a temple, I saw there were others inside, but I couldn't get in, I knew why, it was because I wasn't worthy to enter, I just didn't have the inner level to be allowed in. There was nothing I could do, as we can float over there, I just drifted aimlessly, like I was suspended in midair with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Eventually this drifted into a dream in which I was in a scenario where my egos were rampant, when I woke up I realised that the egos that I had seen in my dream with the ones that were most preventing me from getting into the temple. I was grateful to see what it was that I needed to change.

I saw a symbol in my dreams related to the alchemical changes in my energies indicating that they had gone to a yellow colour, they go from black (dirty) to white, then to yellow and finally to red, indicating stages of purification, it was a positive sign.

From the time that I'd gone through those tests with the elements (represented in Mozart’s opera the Magic Flute), I had been having lots of tests and scenes in dreams related to my behaviour generally, such as honesty, doing the right thing, being an upright citizen, not telling lies, etc.

One night I had another of those clear, bright dreams where I was as aware as here but unable to realise that I was dreaming, in a dream there was a wallet lying on the ground, with money in it, I walked up to it and said to myself “that’s not my wallet I’ll leave it there”, later, I was before these spiritual beings, they said “You have passed the Minor Initiations” when I woke up I thought myself how quick that was, I had made no visible progress for a whole year without alchemy, but as soon as I started practising it, within months the preparatory path was completed.

I still couldn't quite believe this was actually happening, I wondered if anything else would ever happen as progress is never guaranteed, but it was all making sense now, everything that was written in the books was happening, but there were no books yet translated into English that described what would follow past this point in any detail, how would I know what would happen? Unless something was translated I wouldn't know if I had gone through it or not.

I kept practicing as best I could, not knowing what lay ahead.